Many persons tend to confuse these two kinds of relationships.
I have had someone tell me that, my boyfriend said we should keep this relationship just between us that he doesn’t want anybody to know yet, that it’s not yet time and 2 years have passed and no significant person in your life knows you are dating. Now, uncle is misbehaving just because she requested to get to know the sister.
You are dating someone yet you don’t know any of his or her siblings, they don’t know you in their family. In your family, they think you are single in their family they think he or she is single.
This is the definition of a secret relationship and when they break your heart eh you won’t even know where to start.
This is very different from a private relationship.
In a private relationship, it’s not just between the two of you. At least your parents might know both of you are dating, the significant figures in both of your lives are aware, people like your pastor, your mentors, your spiritual guide, your coach, someone you submit to or accountable to.
Someone you obey and respect. Who can call you to order when you are about making a mistake, pray for you, and talk to you too.
In a private relationship, you don’t need to announce it on social media. Announcing it on social media now makes it a public relationship.
For those in the kingdom. You see all these marriages that took place this year that some sisters were getting shocked 😆. I know some brothers were shocked too sha. Those relationships were not a secret one. Yes, it shocked you because you were not within their circle of friends or mentors.
But trust me most people close to them knew they were taken. Their parents knew, their pastors knew, some close friends knew. It was not a shock. Those relationships were private, not secret.
What am I trying to teach you with this?
Avoid secret relationships by all means. Don’t allow anybody to fool you. You are dating but you don’t even know anybody and nobody knows you. Your mentors are not aware because he or she said it’s not yet time, that it’s too early.
How will you even enter in the first place without these important persons knowing, counseling, and praying with you? This is how most of you get into the wrong relationships.
Yes I know even when some introduce you to family members they still misbehave, even at that still get to tell them and ensure that you are not dating secretly.
Some men don’t like being accountable that is why they don’t want your pastor or mentor or parents to know about the relationship so they can be free to misbehave.
Don’t fall for that.
One of the questions you should ask yourselves before dating is, who is your mentor, who are you accountable to. Who can I report you to when you start misbehaving and you listen to their counsel.
I already know that a lot of guys will disagree with this and few ladies too but no problem. You can choose to do what pleases you but remember a person who lacks accountability or who doesn’t submit to any authority will most likely rebel when things are not going their way.
In conclusion.
You can keep your relationship private. Yes, just a few important people in your life get to know about it but never engage in a secret relationship where you hide it from those that matter in your life.
Cheers.
Inspired by Shantelle Chinaza Onyejemeli
Life and Relationship Coach
Profit O Eneh
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